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Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Steely McBeam Responds to His Critics.

Tuesday August 14, 2007
From Pittsburgh Dish

An exclusive interview with the Steelers' much-maligned new mascot

The other day, in the midst of composing yet another tirade against Steely McBeam, Dish received a curious email. It was from McBeam himself and the missive amounted to McBeam's defense of his humanity (or mascotity or whatever).

A correspondence grew between Dish and McBeam, who debuted his website yesterday, and this morning McBeam responded to a set of inquiries intended to uncover the man behind the mascot, or the mascot behind the man, or something.

Read on as McBeam lays his soul bare. ...{Click READ MORE below}

Read on as McBeam lays his soul bare. ...

Mr. Dish: Of the disparaging remarks made about your name, character and appearance, which hurt most and why?

Mr. McBeam: Well, Mr. Dish, you try to block that stuff out and focus on the job you have to do. But I’d be lying if I said that the comments didn’t get to me a little bit. It’s the gay jokes that hurt the most, I think, the stuff about how I’m the lost member of the Village People, or that I’ve worked in the porn industry, which simply isn't true. One guy said, Is that a steel rod up your ass, or are you just happy to see me? I mean, that’s not particularly inspired, is it?

Listen, Mr. Dish, I’m married with two young kids, and nobody wants their kids to hear that sort of thing about Dad, you know? Plus last week a couple of jerks threw trash on my lawn, which is just unnecessary. Somebody even threw a used copy of "Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers: Volume VIII." Okay. I have a porn name, I get it. But what if one of my kids had found that?

But the important thing is to not respond. Just keep smiling. Being the mascot of the Pittsburgh Steelers is a responsibility unlike that which is imposed upon any other mascot for any other team. You knew that the catcalls and the heckling would be a part of the job description. It takes a man of a certain temperament and disposition. In a lot of ways, the Rooneys are like Branch Rickey, and I’m like Jackie Robinson.

Mr. Dish: How many profoundly inebriated Steelers fans to you expect to endeavor to pummel you over the course of the season?

Mr. McBeam: Is there another kind of Steeler fan besides the profoundly inebriated one?

Ha! Just kidding, Mr. Dish. Seriously though. Many will endeavor; none will succeed. Steely McBeam can take care of himself. I’ve also been assigned a security detail.

Mr. Dish: If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be and why?

Mr. McBeam: The Black Walnut. Which was also my nickname in college.

Mr. Dish: Will the Steelers make greater use of the tight end as a pass receiver this year?

Mr. McBeam: I’d have to think so, yeah. Heath Miller is in year three. Last year he hit a bit of a sophomore slump, partly because the Steelers got behind early in a lot of games, forcing more of a downfield, catch-up, wide receiver-oriented type of offense. But the guy still had 5 TDs, so you know the ability is there. Tuman is getting older, but he’s been reliable as a second option. And you figure if they are going to invest a draft pick in Matt Spaeth, Arians and Tomlin must have something planned for the position.

I played tight end in high school, by the way. Did you know that? Third-team All-WPIAL.

Mr. Dish: Why do you exist?

Mr. McBeam: I’m the first of five children. My dad, Roger McBeam, was an Army GI in the Vietnam War. He met my mother, Pho-Chinh, in 1970 while stationed north of Saigon, explaining my yellow skin, which frankly had a lot of people puzzled. Following the war, he brought her home to America, but only after a five-year fight with U.S. and Vietnamese immigration officials. My mother lost her country, but gained her humanity.

Source: pittsburghdish.typepad.com, pittsburghbloggers.com


Bill said...

Rusty McNuts has got to go! This mascot is an embarrasment to the City of Pittsburgh.

talent network inc said...

ha-ha.. He sure is.

Greg said...

The Pittsburgh Steelers need a mascot like I need a severe case of jock itch!

Lisa said...

Steely McBeam is a cheesy name. And the big goofy grin on his face makes him look lil... off. I LOVE the Steelers! But, the mascot's got to go.

Anonymous said...

move the needle.net has a new mascot called "Steely McFILTH" Freaking funny and dirty. http://movetheneedle.net

Anonymous said...

What the hell has happened to my home town? The Steelers and the fans of the 70s would have never put up with this abomination. This thing single handily drops the Steelers toughness meter by 50%.

So what do I do? I go to my Favorite teams fan forums for support and guess what? So called Steeler fans attack me for voicing my disgust about this blatant smear on the heritage of the leagues meanest team. http://maximumgrilledsteelers.com/index.php?showtopic=14170

I am concerned about what has allowed something like this to happen in Pittsburgh without a massive uproar.